Thumb Tacks
by Miyo-Nani
Summary: If only people would use a little more respect when speaking to Suzuya. Than perhaps things like this wouldn't happen... Kind of a horror...Not really though... One-shot


"Juuzou Suzuya is a particularly special case, Special Class Investigator, Iinushia Shai." Shinohara explained. He led the special class investigator toward the conference room at the end of hall A, on floor three. The path was dimly lit, and there was few turns. The walls were thick, and built like a bunker. It was one of the rooms that an investigator might question a Ghoul in, should the need ever rise. The man walking next to him huffed, and shoved his hands into his gray trench coat pockets arrogantly.

"Investigator Shinohara, I have had my fair share of "tough cases" at the academy." He reached into his pocket to pull out a large key ring as they approached the door. "I'm honestly insulted that you believe I cannot handle a nineteen year old kid." He finished with a light chuckle. Shinohara sighed, and ran his hand through his hair.

"Suzuya didn't come through academy, Sir." They finally stopped at the door, and Shinohara stopped the investigator's hand before he could move to unlock the large, metal bolted door. Iinushia Shai was hardly a patient man, and this particular ghoul investigator was trying his patience.

"So what is he a super genius?" Iinushia snapped. "I can handle arrogance as well, thank you." Shinohara sensed that he was not going to get far with this man, and held his hands up in defense.

"Okay, okay!" He said, as if admitting defeat. "But there is a few things you should know before you talk with him." Iinushia sighed, but decided to humor the man, and raised his eyebrows in questioning. As to ask what these things to remember might be. Shinohara was relieved that he could get his superior to listen to at least this.

"If Suzuya offers you anything. Be it snacks, a drink, or a trinket of some kind, take it. It makes him upset when people are rude." Iinushia looked slightly offended at the off-hand rude comment, but Shinohara continued before he could protest.

"Don't look Suzuya in the eye directly. He takes it as a challenge. If he brings up the topic of Quinque, change subjects as quickly as possible. If he refers to himself as multiple different names, go along with it. Do not question this. If you offend him, apologize. I mean it. Apologize sincerely, and profoundly. He once sucked out a man's ear bone for not apologizing well enough." Satisfied with his list of things to avoid doing, he smiled. Patted his superior on the back, and began walking back in the direction he came, whistling a happy tune.

Iinushia had never taken in so much ghoulish information at once. With a shocked expression on his face, he wished he had read more of the boy's case file. What would such a brutish young man look like? He imagined a large, bulky, body builder type of guy, that towered over him. Casting a shadow like a building with eyes that pierce like glass, and a sneer that could turn sweet food sour. Taking a deep, steadying breath he turned the door knob, and stepped into the room of the young man that he would be evaluating for the Anti-Aogiri special class team.

"Gooood Morning!" Came a happy voice. A young, androgynous man sat at the clear end of the table. Iinushia may have mistaken him for a her, had he not been explicitly expressed against making such an assumption. The boy was very young looking, slim, with a pretty face, and pure white hair. Too Iinushia's shock, he had red stitch marks adoring his body, arms, face, hands, and even eye lids. He wore pants that came just bellow his knees, a rumpled white button up, and colorful suspenders. On his feet were yellow slippers instead of the standard black oxford shoes.

Iinushia scuffed at himself for being so worried. Even if this child was violent, it was improbable that he would be able to overpower himself. As a special class investigator, he had gone through rigorous years of training.

"Good morning." He said. Suzuya smiled happily at the mutual greeting. Once Iinushia had situated himself across from the boy he had already basically decided on his decision. This boy was clearly not special class material. Especially not Anti-Aogiri class material. No, oh no. He needed only the best of the best. This was a mere child.

"Pocky?" The boy asked innocently, holding out several boxes containing several flavors. Shinohara's advice flashed through his mind quickly, and he almost took the pocky, but Iinushia had a low tolerance for milk chocolate.

"No, thank you." He said straightening out his papers. Had he been paying attention, he might have caught the dark look that passed over Suzuya's face.

"Now!" he said turning toward him. "What makes you think you are qualified to be apart of the Anti-Aogiri squad?" Iinushia asked the boy, his hands laced together on the table before him, but his attention elsewhere. Suzuya smiled happily and answered,

"Shinohara-sensei is on the team right? Juuzou wants to be where Shinohara is!" He said dramatically, flinging himself back in his spinning chair. Iinushia nodded, clearly not impressed. He glanced down at Suzuya's files for a moment.

"It says here you have no experience with Quinque." He said. Suzuya frowned, clearly not expecting such a bold statement.

"Shinohara-sensei says i'm not ready for one yet." He says. His voice adopting a certain edge. One that Iinushia elected to ignore. Iinushia scuffed, and pushed the qualifications sheet aside.

"Quite the good little lap dog aren't you?" He said with dry humor. He took no notice to Suzuya as the boy wheeled his chair toward a nearby desk, and mindlessly inspected the office supplies. He mumbled to himself as he continued to shift through the file marked "Suzuya Juuzou."

"Ah, here it is!" He said holding up a document. "It also says here that you were responsible for the killing, and dismemberment of 200 animals upon your first arrival here." He said watching the back of Suzuya, and noticing his hand twitch as if hovered over a stapler. "Such acts of disobedience are not what we are looking for in this group." Iinushia continued. "And frankly, we don't need one of Shinohara's lackeys on the team if it means dead weight." He was about to continue before Suzuya's loud laughter bubbled up from across the room.

"Iinushia-Sempai!" Suzuya said, interrupting him, and standing up from his chair. Swiftly grabbing a small box from off the desk, and he turned to the special class investigator. "I think I found a solution to your problem." Suzuya said happily, holding up the small box with a smile.

"What? What are you talking about? What problem?" Iinushia asked looking confused.

"Your talking problem, of course!" Suzuya said with a large grin as he began approaching him slowly.

"Sit back down, kid." Iinushia said, backing up slightly, and reaching for his gun under his coat.

"Yes! This will fix your problem! Though I'm sure that there are people who enjoy it when you talk, Iinushia-Sempai!" Suzuya said with a large smile. "But I think you might talk a little too much!" Before Iinushia could reach, Suzuya had quickly grabbed his lower torso, throwing him off balance, and flipped him onto the ground. Placing his surprisingly dense weight on the man's chest before he could get up.

Suzuya was surprisingly limber. A repercussion of all the ripped, and torn muscle tissue during his underground Ghoul restaurant days. He brought his feet up, and pinned Iinushia's hands to the ground beside him, and grabbed his jaw in one hand, forcing it open.

"Perhaps we can fix that!" Suzuya laughed happily, but frowning when he didn't reply. "Hello? Hello? Are you in there?" He asked for a moment, before shrugging, and grabbing the small box from the desk that he had grabbed earlier. He popped the lid open to reveal that the small box was filled with small, gold, thumb tacks.

"This will fix your talking problem, Iinushia-Senpai!" He said, as he began tipping the box into his open mouth. The inspectors eyes widened in pain as he was forced to swallow the thumb tacks one by one. Tears spilling over, and when the box was half come, he coughed. Spewing up blood, and a few stray tacks.

"No, no! Not yet inspector! We haven't finished the box!" And with a flick of his wrist dumbed the last of the tacks down the man's mouth. Now with a steady stream of blood pouring from his facial orfices, one can only assume he blacked out from the pain. "See! That worked!" He said happily just as the door swung open, and Shinohara stood in the door way.

"Good god, Juuzou..." He said taking in the scene. "Is... Is he dead?" Shinohara asked. Looking guilty, Suzuya climbed off the man, and slowly walked toward his mentors side.

"I don't think so..." He mumbled. Shinohara sighed, and ran a large hand over his face. He was going to get some sort of demotion for sure this time. He glanced at his partner who had the look of a guilt stricken puppy on his face.

"No ice cream after dinner tonight." He said. Suzuya nodded, and followed his mentor out of the room. Quickly beginning to recount his day of training with Amon-san to his mentor. Ignoring the fact that said mentor was currently pulling out his cell phone, and calling for a medical team to come to the conference room on the third floor. When they asked what the problem was, he only said two words. Juuzou Suzuya.

**A/N~ Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/review bellow it really helps! **


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